Step-family Talk

As this is the beginning of my blog, I thought the best place to start would be at the beginning of my journey as a stepmother. Therefore, here are the top five things I did wrong when I first became a stepparent:

I’ve listed these in the order I felt they had the most impact on my stepfamily with the first item having the least impact and the last item having the greatest impact. Let’s tackle them one day at a time throughout this week.

Unrealistic expectations

I had finally met the prefect man for me and we were happy and blissfully in love. How could our life be anything but perfect? I didn’t think I needed to do any research about stepfamilies; after all, the women in the romance novels I love to read were always adored by their stepchildren. I felt sure my stepdaughter would feel the same way about me.

We got married and started our life as a stepfamily. There was this strange person who I didn’t really know and who didn’t really know me, living in my house every other weekend. To say we butted heads would be putting it lightly. My stepdaughter, April, was only seven at the time and had always spent the weekends she was with my husband at his mother’s where he lived. There, she was queen of the manor. My mother-in-law always cooked her favorite meals, let her stay up as late as she wanted, and waited on her hand and foot. Frankly, I already had a full time job and in my mind, stepmother was not synonymous, with maid. At the age of seven, she was still being bathed and fully dressed by an adult. She couldn’t even tie her own shoes. Needless to say, it was a big adjustment for all of us.

After about six of the worst months of my life, I finally opened my eyes and realized I had to do something. Thankfully, I picked up a copy of The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role. This book has an entire chapter dedicated to unrealistic expectations. Apparently, most people feel the same way I did. By changing my expectations, I was able to see my life for what it was and enjoy it that way.

There’s a review of the book on the Second Wives Café Web site called The Enlightened Stepmother. There’s also a great article on the Step Families Work Web site called When Stepfamily Reality Sets In.