Top Five Things I Did Wrong as a Stepparent
As this is the beginning of my blog, I thought the best place to start would be at the beginning of my journey as a stepmother. Therefore, here are the top five things I did wrong when I first became a stepparent:
I’ve listed these in the order I felt they had the most impact on my stepfamily with the first item having the least impact and the last item having the greatest impact. Let’s tackle them one day at a time throughout this week.
Unrealistic expectations
I had finally met the prefect man for me and we were happy and blissfully in love. How could our life be anything but perfect? I didn’t think I needed to do any research about stepfamilies; after all, the women in the romance novels I love to read were always adored by their stepchildren. I felt sure my stepdaughter would feel the same way about me.
We got married and started our life as a stepfamily. There was this strange person who I didn’t really know and who didn’t really know me, living in my house every other weekend. To say we butted heads would be putting it lightly. My stepdaughter, April, was only seven at the time and had always spent the weekends she was with my husband at his mother’s where he lived. There, she was queen of the manor. My mother-in-law always cooked her favorite meals, let her stay up as late as she wanted, and waited on her hand and foot. Frankly, I already had a full time job and in my mind, stepmother was not synonymous, with maid. At the age of seven, she was still being bathed and fully dressed by an adult. She couldn’t even tie her own shoes. Needless to say, it was a big adjustment for all of us.
After about six of the worst months of my life, I finally opened my eyes and realized I had to do something. Thankfully, I picked up a copy of The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role. This book has an entire chapter dedicated to unrealistic expectations. Apparently, most people feel the same way I did. By changing my expectations, I was able to see my life for what it was and enjoy it that way.
There’s a review of the book on the Second Wives Café Web site called The Enlightened Stepmother. There’s also a great article on the Step Families Work Web site called When Stepfamily Reality Sets In.
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July 29th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
What advice do you have for a nonspousal parent who took care of his family for years and they divoice and he continues to take care of the step child and now someone wants to put a price on love and support.
I would like to know your answer to this question…
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September 14th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
It’s good to know you have been enlightened.
Be more elightened by celebrating September 16th as “National Stepfamily Day”. This day was founded as a way to celebrate and honor the millions of people in stepfamilies around the world.
Blended-Families.com is offering three different opportunities for stepparents to participate in live question and answer calls offered at noon, 3pm and 9pm Eastern time.
Happy Stepfamily Day!
October 8th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Studies show that women in the stepmother role, put a great deal of pressure on themselves to make the new family and relationships work. Perhaps this is because women in general are more focused on relationships and have always felt that somehow this is their territory and responsibility. It could also be attributed to the pervasiveness of the “wicked stepmother stereotype”. Stepmothers of all ages, seem to come into their new families with the idea that they must do everything in their power to prove that they are not wicked but actually have everyone’s best interests at heart and will do whatever it takes to bring the family together. Can you spell BURNOUT?
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