Step-family Talk

Headed off for another fun-filled day of picking up kids. I swear it just doesn’t get any easier. It’s not the driving that is the tough part either it is having to try to arrange a pick up time with his ex that is really a pain in the ass. My ex and I have a pretty set time that he picks up and I drop off every other weekend. If there is a change we call the other party and we are civil about what needs to happen to make it work for both of us. Unfortunately for us that just isn’t how it works with Love’s ex. She likes to hold all the cards which means no set pick up and drop off times. She likes to arrange them just before every other weekend.

It is a little game she likes to play called, “What can I do to make it difficult”. I know it probably sounds like I’m just bitter about her in general and I kind of am, but honestly she doesn’t even attempt to make things work smoothly for anyone involved including herself. It is just beyond the point of being ridiculous anymore.

State Statuate in my state says that a parent must be given liberal telephonic parenting time, which the state deems is at least two days a week. That is the state written law. However Love’s ex just doesn’t really seem to care at all about what the state says she is supposed to do she pretty much does whatever she feels like doing which is totally and complete bullshit if you ask me, but hey, nobody asked me, right?

Anyway every time we call there to talk to the kids (which isn’t all that often because of past events) she ignores us. I don’t think my hubby has been able to speak to his kids in nearly two weeks which is absolutely ridiculous.

I may not be the best ex-wife on earth, though I’m probably pretty close, lol…but come on now. There is such a thing as just being a bitch for the sake of it. URGH

I hate having to explain things to my children that I shouldn’t have to be explaining. I shouldn’t be the one that has to explain them when it is my ex who is the one doing the things in question and I definitely shouldn’t have to explain them to a nine year old, who in my opinion is WAY too young to know or have to worry about such things. But I find myself doing it more and more as my ex-husband, the selfish fellow that he is, continues to do things while he has my kids that my kids have been taught from birth are wrong.

There is nothing like trying to tell a crying nine year old that while his father isn’t a bad person his actions are not in accordance with our beliefs. It’s not a conversation I should have had to have. I am tired of being the one who always has to explain things, the one who has to be the tough, strong, stable shoulder, the only person who seems to bear any of the burden of raising these children in the way they should be raised.

I am so tired I could just scream. And I just might. But hopefully only to myself. Maybe I’ll lock myself in the bathroom or go for a nice long drive once Love gets home from work. I just really need a break from being a sane grown up. I need a minute to cry or yell or forget that I have responsibilities and my life is sure to become more not less difficult as the years go on.

Things are going pretty good at the moment, aside from a few minor issues that are sort of / kind of dealt with. Anyway things are sailing along relatively smoothly which of course being the cynic that I’ve become lately leaves me wondering what we have just around the bend. What sort of issue is just lying in wait to spring out at us when we least expect it.

Yes, the calm before the storm. It gets to feeling like perhaps we are just in the eye of the tornado. You know what I mean. That there is definitely more trouble to come but you’ve got to just get your bearings and catch your breath and pray you survive the back end of the thing.

We are supposed to get the kids tomorrow which shouldn’t be a big deal but it always proves to be interesting. There is always some last minute change of plans or some reason she can’t possibly meet me at the court ordered halfway point. I don’t know why we let her walk all over us except that to be absolutely honest it is just easier than fighting with her all the time. Besides the fact that I feel like she actually gets a kick out of fighting with Love. Like to her it means there is still some spark there. And believe me those embers have long ago died out. Thank goodness.

It is actually comforting that she is such a beast because that is the one thing I don’t have to worry about is the two of them ever deciding it was a huge mistake and they should try again. She torched the hell out of that bridge.

Okay I honestly know exactly how cynical of me it is to think let alone say what I’m about to say but I can’t help it. It isn’t that I look for the worst in people because really in most cases I will give people the benefit of the doubt. I will assume that they have good in their hearts and wouldn’t intentionally do things to harm other people but with Love’s ex that is just not the case.

She is for an absolutely lack of better words. NOT NICE. Not even close to being nice. She sometimes goes out of her way to be cruel. So I have to tell you that I’m getting more and more nervous by the minute.

She has been pleasant, nice, even overly accomidating the past few weeks and it is totally freaking me out. Take yesterday for instance. Love called her up to see if it would be possible to switch weekends so we could get back on track and she was, in his words “Very nice”. Now, I know I should just be grateful and pray she is become a better person deep down inside, but the logical part of me says, “Hello….other shoe about to drop. Watch your back. Don’t let your guard down.”

Now how awful is that???

Here is the thing… When you are dealing with exes you never really know what is going to happen from one day to the next. My ex was supposed to pick up the kids at a specific time yesterday and since I am letting him take until Saturday morning since it is his brothers wedding, even though it is my weekend, you would think he would be considerate enough to show up when he is supposed to, but….NO

Of course the reason he was late was because he had to run home and change his clothes and pick up his girlfriend.

So they both come to the door… and I really don’t like her, we are talking borderline hate her. Not because she is with him, but because she has a nasty habit of telling my kids that she thinks I’m wrong a lot and that irks me. So anyway they come to the door and I’ve had a long day and I had just changed into my jammies which sort of accentuate my growing pregnant belly. The wench has the never to look at my stomach and ROLL her eyes at me.

Now normally I’m nice and this was no different for the most part, but I couldn’t resist waiting until she was looking at me again and then looking at her fat little belly roll (which is bigger than my preggo belly) and giving her a sucks-to-be-you look.

Maybe not the nicest thing but what’s a girl to do?

Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies.
~Elizabeth Bowen

Last night was my son’s Pinewood Derby. My ex showed up ten minutes late with his new baby of a girlfriend. Now don’t get me wrong here, I wasn’t jealous of the two of them together. In fact I wasn’t bothered by them at all until my youngest ran over and sat on her lap. Where he stayed for the rest of the evening.

To make it worse she kept looking over at me and smiling like she knew exactly what she was doing.

I was not impressed.

I am still not impressed. The girl is twenty. She’s not a mother, she’s a damn nanny.

I wish I could be nicer, like the ladies over at The DHX. Must read their blog more often for tips.

Let me tell you. It is definitely a Monday. I’m exhausted, I’m irritable, I’m kinda wishing I could suddenly become deaf just for like an hour or so. The noise level in this house has been at all time highs today. I don’t know if my kids forgot that my hearing is fine and there really is no reason to yell or if they are used to talking more loudly at their dad’s house or what the deal is but I’m telling you right now it is making me a crazy woman.

It is five o’clock and I’m wishing it was eight so I could send everyone to bed, put on my jammies, curl up in a ball and beg my husband to rub my back, neck, and feet.

I am tense because of a number of things but among the tops on the list of distractions is that we are going to find out this week how big of a pain my husband’s ex wife is going to be. I really don’t want to dish on the details but keep your fingers crossed for us. Praying wouldn’t hurt either if you are the praying kind.

So, hoping tomorrow will get me out of my funk I am leaving you with nothing more than some random mumbling and a fun Thanksgiving craft (pictured above) to make with the kids. My kids have been saving pinecones for months so this one should be pretty easy for us.

So remember how I promised you I’d update you all on our weekend. Remember how I said it would be far less ranty than my previous post about the ex husband… well, this weekend we dealt with the ex wife. And she is a whole different species of cruel. So… a promise is a promise and I’m not going to talk about her because that would be a zillion times more ranty and complainy than my other post… instead just the good stuff from the weekend.

My boys went to the ex’s a day early because their uncle was coming home after being gone two years and they were all going to go meet him at the airport. So hubby and I had a night without any kids, which is kinda really nice every once in a while. So Friday I started my new job and fingers crossed I think it will be an okay one. It was really weird going to work after being an at home mom for the past nine years. Really really weird.

My husband went to pick up his kids Friday afternoon and again only two out of the four came, but we wanted to make the best of it so we rented a movie, Outlaw Trail, and ordered pizza. Saturday we took the kids to town because my oldest stepson needed new pants for church. So we shopped around a bit and then we took them to a matinee showing of Bee Movie. After the movie we took them to visit my in-laws.

Sunday we went to church, came home and got lunch and then we had to drive them back to their mother’s house, which is when all the irritating shit hit the fan. I swear that woman!!!!

Anyway…. I love spending time with my stepkids because they are so sweet and it is so great to see how my husband is with them.

*Warning Warning Warning*
Unless you are prepared to hear some ex-wife ranting turn back now. Grab the children and run. Save yourselves, people…

I sometimes think my ex sits up night thinking of ways to irritate and generally piss me off. There is the being late…and the little issue of his parents just popping in at MY house…and him mother calling my cell phone (I cannot even begin to tell you how much this little bit bothers me). But my favorite is his refusal to pay his portion of child care (which is, by the by, so very very clearly stated in our divorce papers).
He likes to claim he is broke. “I’ll pay you when I get some spare money.” This would be fine, if it were true. But he is as broke as I am blonde. The kids come home every weekend talking about the new four wheeler their dad bought. The new big screen he has. The surround sound. The new (bright yellow, oh-please-please-look-at-me-yellow) mustang.
Aside from this he allows the kids to do whatever they want whenever they want to do it. Well around this house we have rules, and bedtimes, and chores and so mom is a big pain in the ass. Nowhere near as fun as Dad. Who is clearly the coolest damn person who ever walked the face of the earth.
*Taking deep deep deep cleansing breath*

Next post I promise will be nicer and much much less ranty. We get my stepkids today after my husband gets off work so I’ll update you on our weekend.

We had a wonderful Halloween and managed to please (or sort of please) everyone. Except for me of course, because I’m the nice person in the equation and the nice person always seems to get screwed.

So the ex called me back with his angry voice and basically demanded that he see the kids on Halloween (even though he is picking them up for the weekend today, urgh). Then his father called wanting pretty much the same thing.

I figured I’d try to be nice so I told him he could pick the kids up at 7:30 and keep them until 8:30. Maybe take them for ice cream or something and his dad could go along with them. Nice of me since I technically didn’t have to let him take them at all. So we are leaving the house last night and who is at our doorstep…his father.

I tried to be pleasant but I was sort of pissed off. With him coming at seven I only had an hour or so to take the boys out and here was his dad encrouching on my time. So I was nice, but I hurried them along.

Then and I think this is what really ticked me off. We were at my in-laws house and I left to meet the ex at Chevron for the exchange. And I waited and waited and waited. FIFTEEN minutes late! By this time I was furious. He does anything he can to regain some sort of power over me and it really ticks me off.

Advice anyone???

*Above picture is my husband and I and my three boys.

Happy Halloween!

As any divorced parent knows, holidays are bound to be filled with a few ex-fights. UGH. How I wish this wasn’t the case but unfortunately…

So last night I had a headache. Just a dull kind of ache. So we carved pumpkins and we watched Spiderman III and then I put the kids to bed and my husband and I watched License to Wed. A nice, simple night at home.

The problem?

I turned off my phone as soon as my husband got home and I plugged it into the charger. So I wasn’t bothered with any phone calls all evening and it was HEAVEN. This morning I turned on my phone and had two voicemails from the ex. The first was around six thirty and semi cordial. The second around eight o’clock was… let’s just say less than cordial.

This is the man I was married to. The one that demands and expects that it be done or else. And for nine years I was his beck and call girl. You say jump, I say yes sir, how high? Well guess what… Not anymore. Thank goodness.

I’m sure that I’ll get yelled at again when he decides to call me back but I’m not calling him. Yes, I know I’m being a baby and a brat or whatever but…urg

My husband’s sisters want to get all the grandkids together to have a picture taken of them so we can give it to their parents for part of their Christmas present. I think it is a great idea and would make a beautiful picture, but…

You knew that but was coming, didn’t you. Here is where we hit a bit of a snag. Lately hubby’s ex hasn’t been sending all the kids on the weekends they are supposed to be with us. So it isn’t at all surprising for him to only come home with two or maybe three out of the four kids. Which absolutely sucks because it kills him when they don’t want to come. And as an ex-wife who always send all the kids I think it is complete and utter bullshit that she doesn’t. But that is another story entirely…

So we never know how many kids will be coming until he goes to pick them up. To further complicate things. My kids go with their dad every weekend because they want to and I’m nice like that, hehe. So in order for all our kids to be in the picture we have to wait til his all come and then try to figure out how to arrange it with my ex so that mine can be there. Ugh. Do you think any of this ever gets easier? I’m guessing no.

By the by, I know the picture is random. I took it this weekend on a little hike hubby and I went on.

I can’t say that I’d never met my husband’s ex wife before yesterday (when I re-met her) because we went to high school together. She was a class younger than me. We were never friends. Thankfully, cause that would be awkward on so many levels. But we did run in the same circles, which is to say some of her friends were my acquaintances.

So when my hubby asked me if I wanted to make the long trip with him to drop of the kids yesterday I was a little hesitant because I knew it would be this sort of awkward thing. We pulled up and the four kids hoped out of our car. A couple of them not even bothering to hug their dad good-bye and climbed into their mother’s car. The oldest is the only one who came around the car to hug me before he left. (I really love that kid.)

But after they got into their car, she came up to my husband and mumbled something and then she put on a happy face and peeked her head into our car. “Hi, how are you?” She said it in such a sugary sweet, head cheerleader kind of voice I nearly lost my lunch. I’ve heard her normal voice many times, in voicemails and such, and it sounds no where near that nice.

I was startled and weirded out, so I mumbled ‘good’ and smiled. She stood there like she was expecting me to strike up a conversation with her. Uh, no thank you.

To say the least it was a bit weird, but we’ve made it through worse, hehe.

A huge and generally nasty part of being re-married is dealing with the ex or exes. Generally I try to be the peacemaker. I don’t really like contention when it can be avoided and so as long it things are going mostly okay with my ex-husband I try not to rock the boat. I send my kids to his house, I (usually) answer his phone calls, I’m pleasant, I don’t try to stir up trouble. Honestly as an ex-wife I ask very little from him except that he pay me child support and child care.
This is where we continue to hit a snag. That nasty little devil called child care. Which he really really really doesn’t seem to want to pay. The divorce decree says he will pay half. But anyone who is divorced knows that just because the decree says you are supposed to do it, doesn’t mean that your ex will actually do it.
I pay the child care and he is supposed to reimburse me. But he doesn’t…as in ever. Okay he paid a portion of ONE month but hello…not really helping. I do everything I can to be a decent human being. I’m a pretty easy to get along with ex-wife. But what’s a girl to do?? I could take him to court, but I”m still not guaranteed a check. Besides the outrageous attorney’s fees I’d have to pay.

UGH…all in a day’s work, right???