Step-family Talk

A day late and a dollar short…

This should have gone up yesterday but I got busy and totally spaced it so please forgive my slacker ways.

I was so excited when Karon Phillips Goodman asked me to host a day of her blog tour for her new book ‘Stepping Stones for Stepmoms’. Originally I was going to do a short interview with the author but after reading the book I decided to do a review of it instead. The book is pretty amazing. I knew I was going to like it after I read the first page of chapter one, which quotes my favorite scripture…

‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’ ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The book offers quick, easy to read chapters filled with sound advice on how to navigate the sometimes stormy waters of stepmotherhood. Things like ‘Dealing with Anger’, ‘Overcoming Fear’, ‘Gaining Understanding’, and ‘Giving Gratitude’. At the end of each chapter is a section to record your thoughts, a special prayer, and a small spot to record God’s response to that prayer.

Stepping Stones for Stepmoms is filled with motivational scriptures and reminds us that if we ask for help we will receive it. I’m so grateful Karon asked me to host a day of her blog tour otherwise I may have never found her book.

You can check out more about Karon at her website

Be sure to check out the rest of Karon’s blog tour…

• Step by Step — Tuesday, November 13
• Stepmom Land — Thursday, November 15
• Step-family Talk –Tuesday, November 27

• Stepmother’s Milk — Thursday, November 29
• Smart Stepfamilies — Tuesday, December 4
• Simplicity in the Suburbs –Thursday, December 6
• The Stepfamily Life — Tuesday, December 11

and I’m pretty sure that today I am just about ready to sink. I don’t know what is going on with me lately. I’m sure a lot of it has to do with stress, but I am absolutely frustrated with everything and everyone.

The issue at hand today is my five year old. I went to his parent teacher conference at school where his teacher informed me that he throws fits, whines, and cries in class. He whines at home too and I don’t know what to do about it. Believe me I feel like I’ve tried just about everything to get him to stop doing it. He is five for heaven’s sake. He shouldn’t be doing that sort of thing.

I didn’t know what to say to his teacher. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for her. Any thoughts?

My husband and I are going out tonight. You would think it would be common for us to go out since we are childless every other weekend, but we really don’t go out as often as we should. Life always seems to interrupt and to be honest on the weekends we are both exhausted! I’m exhausted today too, but I’m trying to ignore it because we are most definitely going out.

We’ve been planning this for over a month. We are going to see the Bar J Wranglers and we are really excited!

I’ve always been really lucky when it comes to babysitters because I have a ton of family close by. My boys have never been tended by anyone that is not a family member. Tonight my mom is on babysitting duty and they are all so thrilled to be going to her house instead of spending another boring night with me and hubby.

Here is a checklist I found for those of you hiring out for babysitting.

I’ve been invited by Karon Goodman, author of Stepping Stones for Stepmoms: Everyday Strength for a Blended Family Mom, to take part in the blog tour she is putting together to promote the release of the new book. Karon is a longtime author having written a number of books, including three on the topic of step-parenting.

The blog tour schedule is below so be sure to visit Karon at each of her stops through Blogland.

Have a wonderful Tuesday!

• Step by Step — Tuesday, November 13
• Stepmom Land — Thursday, November 15
• Step-family Talk –Tuesday, November 27

• Stepmother’s Milk — Thursday, November 29
• Smart Stepfamilies — Tuesday, December 4
• Simplicity in the Suburbs –Thursday, December 6
• The Stepfamily Life — Tuesday, December 11

Let me tell you. It is definitely a Monday. I’m exhausted, I’m irritable, I’m kinda wishing I could suddenly become deaf just for like an hour or so. The noise level in this house has been at all time highs today. I don’t know if my kids forgot that my hearing is fine and there really is no reason to yell or if they are used to talking more loudly at their dad’s house or what the deal is but I’m telling you right now it is making me a crazy woman.

It is five o’clock and I’m wishing it was eight so I could send everyone to bed, put on my jammies, curl up in a ball and beg my husband to rub my back, neck, and feet.

I am tense because of a number of things but among the tops on the list of distractions is that we are going to find out this week how big of a pain my husband’s ex wife is going to be. I really don’t want to dish on the details but keep your fingers crossed for us. Praying wouldn’t hurt either if you are the praying kind.

So, hoping tomorrow will get me out of my funk I am leaving you with nothing more than some random mumbling and a fun Thanksgiving craft (pictured above) to make with the kids. My kids have been saving pinecones for months so this one should be pretty easy for us.

No literally, it is like pulling teeth…

Last night the Tallest came into my bedroom and showed my husband and me his loose tooth. He’d been ‘working’ on it and so it was wiggling and kinda bleeding a little which is so beyond me. I hate the sight of blood. Any blood at all and I’m like hello could you please hold while I pass out.

Anyway I told him to leave it alone and he could mess about with it in the morning. So first thing this morning he comes in.

Tallest: Look Mom. It is so loose. It’s probably going to come out today.
Me: That’s awesome, then you can put it under your pillow at your Dad’s tonight for the tooth fairy. (laughing inside)
Tallest: Yeah. That would be cool. If I pull it can I really take it to Dad’s.
Me: Absolutely (thinking abso-freaking-lutely)
Tallest: Okay.

At this point he yanks that puppy right out.

Tallest: Will you put this in an envelope of something for me to take it tonight.

Ahhhhhhhhh. sure.

It’s not that I’m intentionally taking out my grumpiness on my family but it seemed to happen that way last night. I got home from work. Training, by the by, so all I did for FIVE hours was sit in front of a computer and listen to a training program. Clicking when appropriate and taking online tests and such. Anyway, I got home from work, picked up the kids from school, cleaned up the house a bit and all that fun and exciting stuff. By the time my husband got home I had a decent headache coming on and I was grumpy.

Not just slightly irritated but mean and onery. The boys were being nosy and sassy. My oldest, URGH…sometimes I swear he lays awake nights trying to think of things to say to me that will really get me pissy. Such as this…

Tallest: I want to stay and play at T’s
Me: Not today. I don’t want to have to come back to pick you up. Do you maybe want to stay tomorrow?
Tallest: Well, I wanted to stay today (You should have heard the tone and seen the snotty I’m-so-much-smarter-than-you look on his face)
Me: (cause I hate being pushed) Well, I guess if you want to talk to me that way you won’t stay today or tomorrow.

Imagine the whining that ensued. By seven-thirty I was so fed up I put the kids to bed early. It was either that or scream and yell and curl up in a little ball and sob.

Praying today is calmer and better all around.

I’m a horrible planner. I don’t like thinking about the future because frankly I’ve got enough stuff to worry about in the here and now. The future is just a whole ball of issues I’m not yet ready to deal with. Unfortunately sometimes I have to do just that.

Like now for instance with the holidays steadily approaching.

We have to sit down and figure out our whole holiday calendar. For who gets the kids when. And for when we will have my husband’s kids. Plus scheduling in the extra stuff like company parties and work schedules and ahhhhh. So much to figure out, plus the added fun of trying to make it work for everyone.

Pray for me, hehe

So remember how I promised you I’d update you all on our weekend. Remember how I said it would be far less ranty than my previous post about the ex husband… well, this weekend we dealt with the ex wife. And she is a whole different species of cruel. So… a promise is a promise and I’m not going to talk about her because that would be a zillion times more ranty and complainy than my other post… instead just the good stuff from the weekend.

My boys went to the ex’s a day early because their uncle was coming home after being gone two years and they were all going to go meet him at the airport. So hubby and I had a night without any kids, which is kinda really nice every once in a while. So Friday I started my new job and fingers crossed I think it will be an okay one. It was really weird going to work after being an at home mom for the past nine years. Really really weird.

My husband went to pick up his kids Friday afternoon and again only two out of the four came, but we wanted to make the best of it so we rented a movie, Outlaw Trail, and ordered pizza. Saturday we took the kids to town because my oldest stepson needed new pants for church. So we shopped around a bit and then we took them to a matinee showing of Bee Movie. After the movie we took them to visit my in-laws.

Sunday we went to church, came home and got lunch and then we had to drive them back to their mother’s house, which is when all the irritating shit hit the fan. I swear that woman!!!!

Anyway…. I love spending time with my stepkids because they are so sweet and it is so great to see how my husband is with them.

I am a supreme slacker in that I didn’t even think to buy pumpkins until last night. Okay well I thought about it but I didn’t want to buy them and have them go all gross and soft and rotten before Halloween, so I’ve been putting it off. When I picked up the boys from their Dad’s house Sunday they mentioned that he’d gotten them pumpkins but they hadn’t been able to carve them. I’m not sure why because I didn’t ask. I rarely ask for information about time spent with the ex, unless the volunteer it.

Anyway, that reminded me that I ought to buy pumpkins so last night I drove to the grocery store and surprise surprise they were totally out. Not even a gross, smushy pumpkin left in the whole joint. So I drove the five miles to the other grocery store in the smaller town next to us and they had slim pickens!

However we did manage to get three decent -huge- pumpkins but by the time we got home it was too late to start carving them.

On the agenda for tonight. Carve pumpkins.

I know that this time of year when we start doing all the holiday stuff it is really hard for my husband to be away from his kids so hopefully me and my kids will fill some of that gap for him this year.

I have been having the oddest dreams lately. Last week I dreamt I was a vampire who was being chased by a meaner breed of vampires. This could be because I just finished the Stephenie Myer Twilight series, but still, odd all the same, right?

But last night, last night takes the cake (at least until I dream something weirder). Last night I dreamt that my stepdaughters had both been kidnapped. In fact, in the dream I watched the kidnapping take place. I saw them being dragged off to another location that was full of stolen children. I wasn’t there there. I was more like I was watching through my mind or something. Maybe I had weird premonitions in my dream, lol.
Anyway, I drove to the house where I ‘knew’ they were being kept and I went in guns blazing. Okay maybe not blazing, but I did happen to have a very VERY large gun. This gun seemed to scare the criminals, though I’m not sure why since I was accompained by my three boys (8, 5, 4) Oh yes. I’m thinking I was downright terrifying.
But, they ran for the hills and I loaded the kids into my car and WOKE UP.

Thinking…what the hell was that all about?

I saw this on another blog. She had it listed as her Thursday Thirteen and I thought it was an adorable idea so I thought I’d do one of my own.

Loving…

1. The way my husband makes me feel like it is okay to be the real me. Enough the boring and kinda crazy parts.

2. Seven kids who always keep life interesting.

3. The fact that my hair is finally long enough to pull up into a ponytail.

4. I’m being paid to write. How great is that.

5. The secret that I’m not telling anyone.

6. My new ultra hydrating biolage shampoo.

7. That even though we are broke, I know we will figure out a way to make it all work.

8. The realization that perfect isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. What’s life without a few bumps and bruise and scars with great stories.

9. My red cell phone.

10. That my family is always there, regardless of how often we ignore each other.

11. The way my husband’s smile lights up the room and makes me giddy as a teenager.

12. The perfect pair of jeans.

13. Being kinda okay with life in general

being sick and tired. Yesterday morning I woke up and I was fine. The sun was shining, birds were singing or something closely resembling that. But twenty minutes later I was bent over a toliet bowl. Thankfully one that had been cleaned recently, but still not one of my finer moments. I hate being sick! Especially when it hits you like a teenager late for curfew.

Around two o’clock I finally felt human enough to shower. But just barely. I showered and put on clean pajamas and curled back up in my husband’s recliner, where my behind stayed firmly planted for the rest of the afternoon. The boys and I watched movie after movie. They colored pictures while I slept. It was definitely not my finest hour.

I looked a little more than rough when my husband got home from work. He kissed me on the forehead and said, ‘You look so cute all curled up in your jammies.’ Liar. But what a great lie.

It seems like on the weekends when my husbands kids are here we spend more money than the rest of the week combined. Which is fine and probably we would spend the extra money anyway just because it is the weekend. But I feel this big pressure to come up with something fun or exciting to do. And sadly the pressure is purely self induced, because I know no one really expects me to do all the planning. In fact, my husband would laugh because he thinks I never can make up my mind about anything.

Which is probably true. Anyway, I wish there was something we could do that wouldn’t cost a bundle of money. The kids like to go to the movies, which is always spendy. We’ve tried bowling, but it is like $4 a game. Times that by six to nine people. OUCH!

Our plan for this weekend was to go to the mountain where my dad has a small cabin. But then you have to figure for the gas and snacks and blah blah blah. Seems like I just can’t win with money. URgh

Sadly, I mean that in the most literal sense of the phrase. I’ve finally, with the help of my husband and my three boys, managed to finish cleaning the kids bedrooms. It always happens… I think we are about done and with one glance under the bed…BOOM, hours left of cleaning to do.

After sorting through the closets and the toy boxes and coming up with two trash bags of junk and two more trash bags full of things to take to Deseret Industries or the DI (as us locals call it), I thought it would be nice to put all the kids’ laundry in one huge basket. A tote actually. Unfortunately this was a monumentally bad idea.

What appears to be a monument of Mount Saint Helen’s made entirely of dirty clothes is now hogging up half the walking space in my upstairs hallway. It’s bad. Really bad. Really, really, really bad. Just looking at it makes me a little bit weak in the news. I seriously considered burning the lot of it on the front porch, but my better judgement prevailed and I decided eventually I would have to wash it all.

Thankfully the kids will all be here to put it away.