Step-family Talk

Because of a technicality we ended up not having Love’s kids this weekend. Which actually worked out okay but Love ended up having to work part of the weekend anyway so they would have been stuck with little old me.

Sometimes my stepkids really seem to like me and sometimes they really seem not to. I’m not sure what the deciding factor is on the weekends. What exactly makes them like or hate me, but it gets frustrating trying to figure out which it will be.

Anyway for the moment I didn’t have to spend my time wondering what it was I’d done to bring them either happiness or misery. This step parent gig is hard regardless of what anyone tells you. There are a lot of people with great knowledge and useful tips and suggestions but the whole thing is just always a little more difficult than you imagine it would be.

Today I do not want to be the rock. I cannot always be the person that everyone leans on without having anyone to lean on myself. I don’t always want to be the person who decides what we will do and when we will do it and hope that everyone is thrilled with the plans I have or have not made.

If one more person says to me, “so what are we going to do this weekend?” I will scream. I don’t know why we have to “DO” anything. Can’t we just enjoy a weekend at home. Maybe go to the park. Can’t we for one freaking weekend just not spend more money than we have?

What would be so wrong with that?

And you know what that means. Or maybe you don’t but I certainly do…that means this is the day where we attempt to make arrangements with Love’s ex to pick up the kids. It means that today is bound to be a very interesting day indeed.

In other news… I may be starting a new job soon. It is local which means not having to waste half my paycheck on gas and it is at a business I shop at quite a lot which means I’ll get a small discount from now on when I do shop there. They have an employee who is contemplating quitting and from the sound of it the boss (a family friend) is pretty glad to see her go. I should know today one way or the other. So keep your fingers crossed for me.

It would be a part time position but it would mean a little extra income. The only problem is that we would have to ask Love’s mom to watch his kids this summer while they are here and I work and I hate to have to do that. But what can you do, ya know. We definitely need the extra money. We are barely (and I mean BARELY) making it money wise at the moment. So anything extra is a huge help.

It’s Friday and apparently my turn to be ignored. I called my ex to make arrangements for his dad to pick up the kids. I told him I’d like to meet him somewhere because I don’t particularly want half his family coming over to my house. They didn’t like me even when we were married and it makes me very uncomfortable. So anyway, he is avoiding my calls. I left a message hours ago and still have gotten no response so I’m not sure what to do.

I’m considering going to someone else’s house (family) until she comes and then I can arrange to meet her at a local store or something but seriously why can’t people just answer their phones. It is ridiculous to me. I answer mine. And a lot of the time I don’t really want to but hello I still do it (almost always) and always If I think it is going to be something of importance.

Besides that what is with ignoring phone messages. You know what they want so just call them back and get it over with. Would that really be so very difficult? I don’t think so.

I have about a zillion things to be grateful for. I know I do, but it is very hard to look at all the things that seem to be going wrong and still be able to focus on the good things. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has this problem occasionally.

With all the car troubles and ex issues, with the problems that arise with children and the day to day of bills and expenses you can’t afford to pay. Life just seems to be so overwhelming. I feel at times that no matter what I try to accomplish I fall another rung lower on the ladder to reach my goals.

I know this sounds like a whiny rant, which it probably is, but I just can’t seem to hit a break even let alone get ahead. It is highly frustrating to be giving so much all the time and receiving not so much from the universe in return.

Things are going pretty good at the moment, aside from a few minor issues that are sort of / kind of dealt with. Anyway things are sailing along relatively smoothly which of course being the cynic that I’ve become lately leaves me wondering what we have just around the bend. What sort of issue is just lying in wait to spring out at us when we least expect it.

Yes, the calm before the storm. It gets to feeling like perhaps we are just in the eye of the tornado. You know what I mean. That there is definitely more trouble to come but you’ve got to just get your bearings and catch your breath and pray you survive the back end of the thing.

We are supposed to get the kids tomorrow which shouldn’t be a big deal but it always proves to be interesting. There is always some last minute change of plans or some reason she can’t possibly meet me at the court ordered halfway point. I don’t know why we let her walk all over us except that to be absolutely honest it is just easier than fighting with her all the time. Besides the fact that I feel like she actually gets a kick out of fighting with Love. Like to her it means there is still some spark there. And believe me those embers have long ago died out. Thank goodness.

It is actually comforting that she is such a beast because that is the one thing I don’t have to worry about is the two of them ever deciding it was a huge mistake and they should try again. She torched the hell out of that bridge.

I rarely give out a lot of advice about how to be a step-parent mostly because I’m new to this whole gig. My main purpose with this blog is to share my experiences as a parent/stepmom with the hope that someone out there reading it will realize that they aren’t alone in this somewhat scary role of stepmonster

There are a lot of great and very informative websites that contain tons of information and tips on how to make your blended family work so today I took a little look around the internet to see what sort of information I could come up with. Trying to be a bit more helpful than I usually am.

I’m not usually one to read ultra-religious based self-help books but there is a couple in California that has a serious of just such books that are designed to get your blended family up and running. I read a bit of what they have to say and it sounded like fairly reasonable advice. Besides that they have a lot more years of this whole blended family thing under their belt than I do.

So here they are…

Authors Don and Kathy Coryell have a blended family.

Here is a link to the website showing the news article all about Don and Kathy.

It seems I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few weeks getting myself into various kinds of trouble with various members of my family. Honestly it’s gotten to the point where enough is quite literally enough. What I’d really like to do at the moment is dig a hole to China. You know like you believed you could do as a kid. Just start digging and keep going straight and eventually you would end up in a totally different place on the other side of the world.

I have decided that while it is great SOMETIMES to live so very close to mostly all of my family it would be very very very…did I say very??? nice to have a bit of distance between us all. Even fifty miles or so would probably do the trick. I’m not saying I literally want to move all the way across the world but I need my space, ya know.

Of course, I feel like a totally jerk for thinking this way let alone feeling this way but what can I say it is absolutely the way I feel. Of course a move would affect the kids as well and Love and I. For instance it would put us farther from my ex and closer to Love’s ex, which is not necessarily a good thing. Though it isn’t a bad thing either.

Ugh. Why can’t life just be easy. That would be nice, right.

Okay okay so I know I’ve been a bad bad blogger and I deserve in the very least to have my hand slapped or to be placed in the naughty chair in the corner. And honestly I haven’t got any really good excuses for my lack of blogging except to say that I’ve got a life that is anything but simple.

To put it in general terms without of course being too specific there have been exes and kids and bills and one downhill slide after another and none of it has really been worth putting up here for the world to see and read. So I’ve slacked and I promised to at least attempt to do better.

Here is the latest in my saga as a step parent. Love’s ex is being very nice. Which is completely not normal. I mean not normal at all. She is usually anything but nice and if she is nice it is fake I will stab you in the back as soon as you turn around nice. So this whole nice thing has me…and I hate to be a cynic, but… It has me a bit worried. Here I sit waiting for the bomb to drop. Waiting for that other shoe to come crashing down and wreck my playhouse, ya know.

So we shall see what the deal is soon I’m sure, but I doubt that she has just had a massive change of heart or anything.

Sometimes the weekends feel more like a matter of surviving rather than a weekend of enjoying. By Sunday night I was worn out from being ignored by kids and having to constantly reign someone in for bad behavior. So, of course, in true mean girl fashion I barked at my husband. In front of him family no less.

So when we got home we had a fight. Nothing huge but I had to try to explain that I wasn’t just frustrated at his kids but at all the kids. That it isn’t that I don’t like his kids, because I do, but I don’t like being treated like crap and that is how they have been treating me lately. The novelty of me has worn off and now they are to the ‘you aren’t my mom so instead of doing what you ask me to do I’m going to stare through you like you are a ghost’ phase.

It is much less enjoyable.

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I’m jumping in head first so I’m more than likely to end up with a cracked or broken something but I’ve really got no choice but to make the leap. We are going to start homeschooling. I am overwhelmed and totally terrified as to where to even begin. But with my car taking a dive I have no way to get my kids to and from school without relying very very heavily on members of my family. And I hate to have my life put a damper on theirs.

So, as of next week, we are officially a homeschooling family. Luckily my sister in law homeschools so I will have someone to run to screaming for help and guidance.

Wish us luck

I made the list! Which is honestly nothing short of a miracle since it’s been weeks since I’ve taken the time to blog here. Of course that will change now that I’ve been given a reprieve. Coming hopefully later today will be all the drama you’ve been missing and sadly theres been oodles of it.

The hardest part of being a step family is figuring out what everyone’s place is. Where everyone’s boundaries are. For me it was really hard to hear someone tell me how I could be a better and more effective mother. My ex never really gave much in the way of parental support or insight but my current husband wants to be involved which is fantastic. But at first I didn’t really think so. I wanted his help, but I didn’t want his advice. If that makes any sense at all.

When he would say something about my kids acting up I’d take offense and immediately go on the defensive. I felt this over-dramatic Momma Bear thing. Must. Protect. Young. etc etc. I got my feelings bruised a lot because I couldn’t bear to hear anything but nice things about them. Even if he voiced something I was already thinking i didn’t want to hear it. But we are getting past it and life has become something much better.

Yes yes yes I know the month hasn’t actually started, but it feels as though it starts right after Thanksgiving doesn’t it. This year I’m working retail. Not the place you want to be in December, believe me. It’s one of those ‘Don’t try this at home’ deals. Holiday shoppers are the pits. They are grumpy and nasty and urgh. So irritating. Hello people this is the Season of Giving. Not the Season of shoving and pushing and taking and screaming. Get with the Joy of the Season folks.

I have started my shopping, mostly online. Taking the easy way out. The extra shipping charges are well worth it to not have to go out and shop with the masses. We’ve figured out gifts for all the kids except one. This stepson hasn’t been coming to visit us much as his mother doesn’t make them come if they say they don’t want to. Anyway it feels like we’ve hardly seen him in the last six months and I’m utterly clueless what he would want for Christmas. Hopefully we see him this weekend, but I’m not holding my breath.