Step-family Talk

Sometimes I just can’t help but to get a little down in the dumps. Generally I’m a pretty happy person, but sometimes lifes little issues are just too much for my delicate sensibilities to handle.

Yesterday the engine blew in my car, which leaves me and the kids carless unless I want to drive hubby into work (an hour round trip) and pick him up in the evening (another hour). That is just not going to be economical gas or time wise so I’m left wondering what in the hell I”m supposed to do.

We don’t have the money to replace the engine and so my car is sitting in the drive completely useless. I spent a good part of the day yesterday sobbing. I have to drive kids to and from school four times a day because Kindergarten is only a half day. And we live too far away to walk, especially in this cold.

Urgh. I just am at a complete loss as to what to do next.

Boy do I ever have issues. Seriously folks, I wish sometimes that I could just relocate my life and start all over. Since my ex hasn’t been paying his portion of child care I sent him a statement in the post. Nothing mean, just a simple statement saying what he owed and why, etc. So when I went to pick up the boys last night he informed me that he mailed my child support check, which he usually just gives to me when we trade off the kids. I’m not sure why it irritates me so much, aside from the fact that it will take longer to get to me than it already does which is total bullshit, but it really irked me. I mean really really really irritated the living snot out of me.

In other news, my husband’s ex-wife gives me so much heartburn I don’t even want to discuss her.

We did however have 3 out of his 4 kids over the weekend and I think he really enjoyed the time he got to spend with them, even though it seems like a very very short visit.

and I’m not saying that there is a “bad guy” per say. But if there was one (for the sake of this rant) it wouldn’t be me. Or it shouldn’t be anyway.

I have really been struggling with my kids. When I went to pick them up from their dad’s house last night they were all moppy and depressed to have to be going home with lame old mom. I can’t even begin to describe how that makes you feel. Honestly unless you’ve been in this situation it is just not a feeling you can imagine. You might think you can sympathize but you just can’t.

So I got the whole speech about how it is much more fun and exciting at his house. And hello, I’m sure it is. He has pretty much no discipline. He buys them whatever they want (this weekend it was two new video games). He takes them fun places and they do fun things. He lets them break the rules that I have in place because he doesn’t have to follow what I say, yada yada yada.

I don’t get to be fun. I have to wake them up in the mornings and nag them to get ready. I have to go to work and come home and clean and cook and help with homework. Get them to all shower and clean their room and do their few little chores. I have to nag them to stop fighting. Remind them that there actually ARE rules at this house. I have to send them to their rooms when they misbehave and to bed early when it is all just too much.

I am tired of feeling like the bad guy in this situation. I’m the one doing the work of raising these kids and I’m glad I am, but give a girl a little credit every once in a while. An ‘I love you’ or something.

I just want to scream.