Boundaries
The hardest part of being a step family is figuring out what everyone’s place is. Where everyone’s boundaries are. For me it was really hard to hear someone tell me how I could be a better and more effective mother. My ex never really gave much in the way of parental support or insight but my current husband wants to be involved which is fantastic. But at first I didn’t really think so. I wanted his help, but I didn’t want his advice. If that makes any sense at all.
When he would say something about my kids acting up I’d take offense and immediately go on the defensive. I felt this over-dramatic Momma Bear thing. Must. Protect. Young. etc etc. I got my feelings bruised a lot because I couldn’t bear to hear anything but nice things about them. Even if he voiced something I was already thinking i didn’t want to hear it. But we are getting past it and life has become something much better.
December 5th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
Yes! It is such a balancing act, everyone finding their places. I feel like I’m constantly trying to feel out my boundaries and other people’s boundaries, too.
December 10th, 2007 at 9:45 am
It is very instinctual to not only protect but have people think the best of your kids. I completely understand about “momma bear” protection. You know your role and the ex’s role but somewhere along the way other people (with their opinions and views) were added which makes discipline harder. It is important that step dad takes your lead on disciplining the kids, but also important to try and view things objectively from his perspective.