Step-family Talk

Cue some cutesy Dawson Creek music and imagine a distant camera shot looking down upon busy city full of streets packed with cars, bumper to bumper. The camera begins to zoom in, trees become a little more prevalent, mingled between them are the suburb rooftops. Closer, the trees thin out and one particular house comes into view. It is a two-story home nestled between maple, pear, oak, and birch trees. The camera swoops through a window and suddenly the cutesy Dawson Creek music is drowned out by a screaming match between mother and daughter. Mom is yelling at daughter to go upstairs to her room and daughter is screaming at her to give her an answer as to why she can’t go on the computer. Apparently, “Because you have been on it all evening,” “Because, other’s need to use it,” “Because, you have homework you need to finish,” and “Because, I said so” aren’t reasons as to “why” she can’t use the computer anymore.

This argument has been going on for a half-hour now. Mom is really frustrated, she just wants her daughter to go upstairs and chill for a while. Daughter, thinks mom is the worst parent in the world. Each is highly agitated and at their wits end. So, where is Dad? The camera squeezes between the argument and the screaming comes to a crescendo, then fades as the camera exists out the patio door and into the backyard. Ahh, the cutesy music has returned. In the backyard, a baby boy is playing in the grass-chasing the dog with a plastic stroll-behind scooter. A quick pan to the side and there is Dad, a glass of red wine is setting to his side, he rests on a wicker bench and writes in a notebook, seemingly oblivious to the war going on inside the house.

He’s not oblivious. He is fighting every urge in his body to go inside and remedy the situation. If this was a battle between his wife and his biological daughter things would be different. But, this is a battle between his wife and his stepdaughter. It is not his place to step in and do the parenting. So, he waits and he does his best to take in the serenity of the outdoors and enjoys watching his son play.

The figures in the camera pans out a little ways so that Dad, the dog and the baby boy can all be seen, and then the figures zoom into high speed. Dad is relatively still, blurred images of his hand moving across the page and reaching for his wine show that he is somewhat active. The baby boy is seen first on one side of the yard and then the other, he falls, crawls, get’s back up, circle’s the dog, falls again, grabs the dog’s tail, the dog circles until the baby boy let’s go and this hyper-speed image continues until the sliding door opens. Time slows to a normal speed and Mom comes over to the bench and sits down next to Dad. Dad puts his arm around her and squeezes her in a one-armed hug. The battle is over; the daughter has finally gone up to her room.

Now, is the time for the special form of parenting that Dad must become responsible. Dad, talks with Mom and lets her know what he noticed. He reminds her that although it isn’t easy to remain calm when the daughter screams and constantly questions everything that it is important to remain in calm and in control. When the daughter gets her riled up, she is getting what she wants-attention. He suggests new ways to handle the situation, but mainly asks as a sounding board to let Mom vent her frustration. When Mom has calmed, she goes inside and something special happens.

The daughter comes outside and when Dad asks her what happened she responds without screaming. She tells him how unfair she was treated, she tells him how much she hates her mom and she tells him how she wants her mom to move out. This is a first; normally it is the daughter that wants to move out. Now, the daughter wants the mom to move out. Dad, really wants to debunk the logic of everything the daughter has said and explain how she would have been much better off if she had just accepted what Mom had told her. He thinks, how can she not see that she won’t win in these arguments and she will only get in more trouble. But, he refrains from explaining. He refrains from advice. Instead he takes the time to acknowledge her frustration. There are more questions he could have asked to help, but he forgets these. He is just excited that the daughter has recognized that he wasn’t part of the argument and is willing to talk to him even though she is upset with Mom. It’s a big step forward in creating trust in the stepdad-stepdaughter relationship.

The sun is setting now. The cutesy music has looped and repeated itself far too many times, let us fade out the music and let the camera pan back out and give us a wide angle picture of the city and the last rays of sunlight. It is night time in the city, time to bring the kids indoors and put them to bed. The camera turns off and the credits roll…