Step-family Talk

Today I do not want to be the rock. I cannot always be the person that everyone leans on without having anyone to lean on myself. I don’t always want to be the person who decides what we will do and when we will do it and hope that everyone is thrilled with the plans I have or have not made.

If one more person says to me, “so what are we going to do this weekend?” I will scream. I don’t know why we have to “DO” anything. Can’t we just enjoy a weekend at home. Maybe go to the park. Can’t we for one freaking weekend just not spend more money than we have?

What would be so wrong with that?

And you know what that means. Or maybe you don’t but I certainly do…that means this is the day where we attempt to make arrangements with Love’s ex to pick up the kids. It means that today is bound to be a very interesting day indeed.

In other news… I may be starting a new job soon. It is local which means not having to waste half my paycheck on gas and it is at a business I shop at quite a lot which means I’ll get a small discount from now on when I do shop there. They have an employee who is contemplating quitting and from the sound of it the boss (a family friend) is pretty glad to see her go. I should know today one way or the other. So keep your fingers crossed for me.

It would be a part time position but it would mean a little extra income. The only problem is that we would have to ask Love’s mom to watch his kids this summer while they are here and I work and I hate to have to do that. But what can you do, ya know. We definitely need the extra money. We are barely (and I mean BARELY) making it money wise at the moment. So anything extra is a huge help.

Apparently 911 can be dial from a cell phone that is NOT connected to cell phone service. What I mean is that you can call it from an old phone that no longer has a number attached to it.

Unfortunately my family needed to learn this the hard way. My sister gave my son her old cell phone and charger. They’ve been disconnected for nearly a year but he uses the phone to take pictures and listen to music she uploaded onto it, etc. This morning he comes rushing into my room, crying and frantic.

He tells me that he and his brothers were playing “Cops” and he was the one in need of assistance so he dialed 911 on his cell phone that shouldn’t work and taadaa it did. He was connected through to emergency services. So, of course, he did what any kid in his situation would do… Hung up and panicked. I’m not sure how long he was in his room before he decided it might be worth telling me about.

So then I called the Sheriff’s Department, which was not yet open for business. So I had to call 911 and explain the situation to them as I didn’t want them thinking they had an actual emergency and trying frantically to find the source of the call and what not. The woman thanked me for calling in and explaining which was a relief because I wasn’t really sure of the procedure for something of this nature.

Anyway, be aware that ANY phone connected or not can actually dial 911. Good to know, right?

Today we are looking into a step site called STEP-Carefully

Step Carefully offers a number of highly valuable resources, including helpful articles such as Ten Stepfamily Commandments along with a variety of other very useful articles that are easy to read and not written in a manner of speaking down to you.

They also offer a number of other resources such as a support group, private marriage coaching for both married couples and those about to venture into the field of step-parenting. They also offer a storefront with stepparenting products such as tshirts and mouse pads with their website logo.

Okay, I’m going to admit it and probably for the first and last time in my life. I am a bit of a drama queen. Now I’m not talking in public or anything. I’m at my most dramatic during fights.

Today was a perfect example of such a needlessly dramatic display. Without going into all the details let’s just say that I yelled, stormed off, pouted, and eventually cried.

It was quite the production. And the thing is that I don’t intend to do it, it just sort of happens. Half way through I’m thinking to myself, “What are you doing. Stop doing what you are doing and just be sensible.” But I cannot persuade myself to listen to reason and so I continue with the dramatics and acting like a child until I’ve made such an ass of myself that there is really no where to go from there.

So I sat pouting and crying trying to come up with a reasonable thing to say when I went back to the scene of the fit throwing. Eventually we kissed and made up and the only thing I could say in my defense was, “I’m sorry.” Which sounds lame when you’ve thrown the sort of fit that I’d just thrown. It seems like much too little.

But Love forgave me my pitiful weakness and all was well. The man has un-ending patience.

It’s Friday and apparently my turn to be ignored. I called my ex to make arrangements for his dad to pick up the kids. I told him I’d like to meet him somewhere because I don’t particularly want half his family coming over to my house. They didn’t like me even when we were married and it makes me very uncomfortable. So anyway, he is avoiding my calls. I left a message hours ago and still have gotten no response so I’m not sure what to do.

I’m considering going to someone else’s house (family) until she comes and then I can arrange to meet her at a local store or something but seriously why can’t people just answer their phones. It is ridiculous to me. I answer mine. And a lot of the time I don’t really want to but hello I still do it (almost always) and always If I think it is going to be something of importance.

Besides that what is with ignoring phone messages. You know what they want so just call them back and get it over with. Would that really be so very difficult? I don’t think so.

I have about a zillion things to be grateful for. I know I do, but it is very hard to look at all the things that seem to be going wrong and still be able to focus on the good things. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has this problem occasionally.

With all the car troubles and ex issues, with the problems that arise with children and the day to day of bills and expenses you can’t afford to pay. Life just seems to be so overwhelming. I feel at times that no matter what I try to accomplish I fall another rung lower on the ladder to reach my goals.

I know this sounds like a whiny rant, which it probably is, but I just can’t seem to hit a break even let alone get ahead. It is highly frustrating to be giving so much all the time and receiving not so much from the universe in return.

I was asked by a lovely author, Karon Goodman, if I’d like to submit a story for a book she is writing on step-parenting. This is just one of many wonderful books she has written on the subject of step parenting. One of which I reviewed some months ago. She asked if I would contribute a story about my progress in step parenting, you know like a turning point type of thing. The only problem is that at least fifty percent of the time I feel like a failure not only as a step mother but as a mother in general.

Some days I just want to curl up under my sheets, lock my bedroom door, and disappear off the face of the earth. And I’m sure that some days my kids truly wish I would. The days that I hear, “I wish I lived with my dad” or the days I hear my stepson tell another of the kids that he doesn’t like me. The days when it feels like it will all come crashing down around me if something or someone doesn’t save me.

So what do I write for this book. What advice could I possible have to offer???

Today I’m going to talk a little bit about a site focused on the step parents themselves.

StepTalk.Org

This is a blog style site where step parents can go and basically just vent. We all know that you always feel better after you just get it off your chest and it doesn’t really matter the venue you chose to do so. I very often times use this blog to vent about the things that bother me as a step parent and wife. Step Talk. Org offers parents a place to vent and read what others are going through as well.

It’s always nice to know that you aren’t alone in the struggle as a step parent. I know with me I always feel better after hearing what other people are going through. It’s as though I have a huge support system out there going through basically the same if not worse stuff than I am. That is something you can cling to when your little life raft gets tossed among the waves of parenthood.

The site also contains some great features such as book reviews, recipes, and news updates

We had a great weekend. We took the kids out to the mountain and let them all run around and play. They had a ball finding animals, catching grasshoppers, playing in the stream, etc. And we had a few brief moments of silence while they weren’t running up to show us their latest catch.

His ex called us late Thursday night to arrange a pickup time for the kids and she was even there on time and fairly pleasant to deal with.

I keep hoping but not aloud that she will turn over a new leaf and just do things the way they should be done without fighting and arguing and making everything about a million times more difficult than it really needs to be but at the same time I’m not about to hold my breath or anything because it just doesn’t seem like she really will even though I’d love for it to happen.

I’d also love to avoid anymore charges from the lawyer who we already owe a TON of money to.

Headed off for another fun-filled day of picking up kids. I swear it just doesn’t get any easier. It’s not the driving that is the tough part either it is having to try to arrange a pick up time with his ex that is really a pain in the ass. My ex and I have a pretty set time that he picks up and I drop off every other weekend. If there is a change we call the other party and we are civil about what needs to happen to make it work for both of us. Unfortunately for us that just isn’t how it works with Love’s ex. She likes to hold all the cards which means no set pick up and drop off times. She likes to arrange them just before every other weekend.

It is a little game she likes to play called, “What can I do to make it difficult”. I know it probably sounds like I’m just bitter about her in general and I kind of am, but honestly she doesn’t even attempt to make things work smoothly for anyone involved including herself. It is just beyond the point of being ridiculous anymore.

Do you ever get the feeling that you are being ignored? You call someone a few times, leave a few messages and get nada in response. Of course, sometimes you are just being paranoid but there are the times when you are actually being screened, ignored, and avoided.

That has been the case each time we’ve tried to call Love’s ex to set up a pickup time to meet her to get the kids on Friday. I’m not sure what she thinks she will accomplish by ignoring us. I honestly think she hopes it will tick off Love and he will call her all upset and then she can say… “oh look at the effect I still have on him. Yada yada yada”

We’ve called and left messages at least three times this week and gotten zero response so it will be interesting to see if she ever calls. Considering we should be going tomorrow to get the kids if we are getting them. And you never know with her whether she will actually send them or not.

State Statuate in my state says that a parent must be given liberal telephonic parenting time, which the state deems is at least two days a week. That is the state written law. However Love’s ex just doesn’t really seem to care at all about what the state says she is supposed to do she pretty much does whatever she feels like doing which is totally and complete bullshit if you ask me, but hey, nobody asked me, right?

Anyway every time we call there to talk to the kids (which isn’t all that often because of past events) she ignores us. I don’t think my hubby has been able to speak to his kids in nearly two weeks which is absolutely ridiculous.

I may not be the best ex-wife on earth, though I’m probably pretty close, lol…but come on now. There is such a thing as just being a bitch for the sake of it. URGH

Tuesday seems like as good a day as any to quit complaining (even if only for just the one day) and start sharing a little information that might be helpful to step parents out there. So I’m going to offer a little review of a step parenting website every week on Tuesday.

Today I took a look at Step-Parenting.com Now my biggest problem with this website is the vast majority of the infomation that is offers is available only by buying it. I know we all have to make a living and I’m not saying there is anything wrong with making a little extra doing what you know and offering advice (with a fee) to those out there struggling in that area and willing to pay. But for me it just doesn’t work. While I’m all about being a better step-mom I just simply cannot afford advice that I have to pay for.

They do however offer a number of cost free articles about a variety of issues facing step parents, such as ‘How To Handle a Hostile Ex’. Now that is an article we could use around here.

I hate having to explain things to my children that I shouldn’t have to be explaining. I shouldn’t be the one that has to explain them when it is my ex who is the one doing the things in question and I definitely shouldn’t have to explain them to a nine year old, who in my opinion is WAY too young to know or have to worry about such things. But I find myself doing it more and more as my ex-husband, the selfish fellow that he is, continues to do things while he has my kids that my kids have been taught from birth are wrong.

There is nothing like trying to tell a crying nine year old that while his father isn’t a bad person his actions are not in accordance with our beliefs. It’s not a conversation I should have had to have. I am tired of being the one who always has to explain things, the one who has to be the tough, strong, stable shoulder, the only person who seems to bear any of the burden of raising these children in the way they should be raised.

I am so tired I could just scream. And I just might. But hopefully only to myself. Maybe I’ll lock myself in the bathroom or go for a nice long drive once Love gets home from work. I just really need a break from being a sane grown up. I need a minute to cry or yell or forget that I have responsibilities and my life is sure to become more not less difficult as the years go on.