Step-family Talk

Sometimes the weekends feel more like a matter of surviving rather than a weekend of enjoying. By Sunday night I was worn out from being ignored by kids and having to constantly reign someone in for bad behavior. So, of course, in true mean girl fashion I barked at my husband. In front of him family no less.

So when we got home we had a fight. Nothing huge but I had to try to explain that I wasn’t just frustrated at his kids but at all the kids. That it isn’t that I don’t like his kids, because I do, but I don’t like being treated like crap and that is how they have been treating me lately. The novelty of me has worn off and now they are to the ‘you aren’t my mom so instead of doing what you ask me to do I’m going to stare through you like you are a ghost’ phase.

It is much less enjoyable.

Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies.
~Elizabeth Bowen

Last night was my son’s Pinewood Derby. My ex showed up ten minutes late with his new baby of a girlfriend. Now don’t get me wrong here, I wasn’t jealous of the two of them together. In fact I wasn’t bothered by them at all until my youngest ran over and sat on her lap. Where he stayed for the rest of the evening.

To make it worse she kept looking over at me and smiling like she knew exactly what she was doing.

I was not impressed.

I am still not impressed. The girl is twenty. She’s not a mother, she’s a damn nanny.

I wish I could be nicer, like the ladies over at The DHX. Must read their blog more often for tips.

The ex is furious with me. What’s new, right?

Anyway with my car being completely undrivable I had two options for the kids schooling. They’ve been going to a school about four miles from our house but with me not able to drive them and no bus service from here to there that just wasn’t possible anymore. So we talked about transferring to a closer school, which they absolutely didn’t want to do. I don’t blame them. It is very hard to switch schools mid-year and J already had to do that last year.

We talked about homeschool. The kids and I and they decided that is what they wanted to do. So we got books, guides, how to’s, and lots of advice from my fabulous sister in law (who homeschools her four children) and away we went.

The ex thinks I’m harming the kids by taking them out of school. That they will hate homeschool. That basically I’m being a selfish beast to even consider it.

I think, not only that he is completely wrong, but that I really don’t care what his opinion is. As long as they are being educated does it really matter where the education takes place. He, of course, thinks I’m completely brainless. I’m actually pretty damn smart. I graduated with a good GPA and I’ve got twice the common sense he ever dreamed of having.

Aside from that, the kids and I are studying scriptures and having prayer and family devotionals every morning and that alone has made a huge improvement on their attitudes.

So he can kiss my nose.

Create a free Smilebox scrapbook in 5 minutes. Just drag photos into amazing e-designs. Email them free.

Create a free Smilebox scrapbook in 5 minutes. Just drag photos into amazing e-designs. Email them free.

I’m jumping in head first so I’m more than likely to end up with a cracked or broken something but I’ve really got no choice but to make the leap. We are going to start homeschooling. I am overwhelmed and totally terrified as to where to even begin. But with my car taking a dive I have no way to get my kids to and from school without relying very very heavily on members of my family. And I hate to have my life put a damper on theirs.

So, as of next week, we are officially a homeschooling family. Luckily my sister in law homeschools so I will have someone to run to screaming for help and guidance.

Wish us luck

Sometimes I just can’t help but to get a little down in the dumps. Generally I’m a pretty happy person, but sometimes lifes little issues are just too much for my delicate sensibilities to handle.

Yesterday the engine blew in my car, which leaves me and the kids carless unless I want to drive hubby into work (an hour round trip) and pick him up in the evening (another hour). That is just not going to be economical gas or time wise so I’m left wondering what in the hell I”m supposed to do.

We don’t have the money to replace the engine and so my car is sitting in the drive completely useless. I spent a good part of the day yesterday sobbing. I have to drive kids to and from school four times a day because Kindergarten is only a half day. And we live too far away to walk, especially in this cold.

Urgh. I just am at a complete loss as to what to do next.

My Husband and I watched Shattered (which was apparently going to be called ‘Butterfly on a Wheel’…good to know) Anyway, if you haven’t seen the movie yet, don’t continue because I will totally spoil the twist of the whole thing to tell you my little story.

Okay… so… the basic premise. This guy hijacks a couple, has another woman (posing as a babysitter) steal their young daughter and proceeds to ruin their lives. As the movie goes along it becomes pretty evident that he has something against the husband as most of his mean things are directed at him. So I’m sitting there trying to figure out what it is that he’s done to piss this guy off and then about halfway through it hits me and I turn to Love and say…’The wife is involved’.
He totally doesn’t believe me, but early on the husband was making eyes at his secretary and so I figured…woman scorned and all that. And guess who was right. Oh yeah, that would be me.

Anyway the whole cheating and having your wife pretend to ruin your life so you could feel of her pain scenario got Love and I talking. And boy was it a discussion.

Having the ‘what would you do if I cheated on you’ talk is more than enough to make a girl feel uneasy. Of course it was all purely hypothetical (one of my favorite words to use in our little talks) but I told him I don’t think I would leave him. Now some of you might say that I’m weak or whatever but the reality is I’ve never loved someone as deeply as I love this man and I’m pretty sure that the pain of him cheating would suck but not as badly as the pain and agony of having him gone forever. As for vengance…so not my style. I’m a nice girl, generally speaking.

So our talk ended with neither of us completely understanding the other’s point of view but with both of us slightly more educated in the ways of the other sex.

Okay so that may sound a bit on the vain side but yesterday I have to admit I was pretty dang impressed with myself. My husband was up all night Saturday night sick. UGH. So Sunday morning he was exhausted and he looked exhausted. I let him sleep in while I got all seven kids ready for church, which is exactly as big of a chore as it seems. Especially since we got in late Saturday night and it was too late for anyone to shower (way past bedtime) so all seven kids, plus myself had to shower. My poor water heater.

Anyway, I got the kids ready and woke him up about a half hour before we needed to leave and I could tell he was still feeling pretty awful so I told him to go back to bed and I, just little ole me, took all seven kids to church.

Let me tell you it was nothing short of a miracle that we all made it through. Actually they were very well behaved. Of course, I think the Lord may have cut me a little slack since I even made the attempt to take them all on my own. But they were great and aside from having to make a lot of trips to the bathroom, I was very impressed with their behavior

I made the list! Which is honestly nothing short of a miracle since it’s been weeks since I’ve taken the time to blog here. Of course that will change now that I’ve been given a reprieve. Coming hopefully later today will be all the drama you’ve been missing and sadly theres been oodles of it.