Step-family Talk

Yes yes yes I know the month hasn’t actually started, but it feels as though it starts right after Thanksgiving doesn’t it. This year I’m working retail. Not the place you want to be in December, believe me. It’s one of those ‘Don’t try this at home’ deals. Holiday shoppers are the pits. They are grumpy and nasty and urgh. So irritating. Hello people this is the Season of Giving. Not the Season of shoving and pushing and taking and screaming. Get with the Joy of the Season folks.

I have started my shopping, mostly online. Taking the easy way out. The extra shipping charges are well worth it to not have to go out and shop with the masses. We’ve figured out gifts for all the kids except one. This stepson hasn’t been coming to visit us much as his mother doesn’t make them come if they say they don’t want to. Anyway it feels like we’ve hardly seen him in the last six months and I’m utterly clueless what he would want for Christmas. Hopefully we see him this weekend, but I’m not holding my breath.

A day late and a dollar short…

This should have gone up yesterday but I got busy and totally spaced it so please forgive my slacker ways.

I was so excited when Karon Phillips Goodman asked me to host a day of her blog tour for her new book ‘Stepping Stones for Stepmoms’. Originally I was going to do a short interview with the author but after reading the book I decided to do a review of it instead. The book is pretty amazing. I knew I was going to like it after I read the first page of chapter one, which quotes my favorite scripture…

‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’ ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The book offers quick, easy to read chapters filled with sound advice on how to navigate the sometimes stormy waters of stepmotherhood. Things like ‘Dealing with Anger’, ‘Overcoming Fear’, ‘Gaining Understanding’, and ‘Giving Gratitude’. At the end of each chapter is a section to record your thoughts, a special prayer, and a small spot to record God’s response to that prayer.

Stepping Stones for Stepmoms is filled with motivational scriptures and reminds us that if we ask for help we will receive it. I’m so grateful Karon asked me to host a day of her blog tour otherwise I may have never found her book.

You can check out more about Karon at her website

Be sure to check out the rest of Karon’s blog tour…

• Step by Step — Tuesday, November 13
• Stepmom Land — Thursday, November 15
• Step-family Talk –Tuesday, November 27

• Stepmother’s Milk — Thursday, November 29
• Smart Stepfamilies — Tuesday, December 4
• Simplicity in the Suburbs –Thursday, December 6
• The Stepfamily Life — Tuesday, December 11

I’m so exhausted. Sadly it wasn’t the holiday that kicked my trash as much as it was the working after the holiday. I work retail so I had to be up and at work (which is thirty minutes away) by 5 am the day after Thanksgiving. Ick. Let me tell you what, I was a tired tired woman after working Friday and Saturday with all the holiday shoppers (who are soooooo rude by the by).

Anyway, I had to work early and my babysitter/sister was out of town at my folks house for the dinner so I was left without a sitter for the boys. I was asking anyone I could think of and was about to the end of my rope when my husband’s boss told them they wouldn’t be working that day.

Up until now, he hasn’t stayed a full day alone with the kids, mostly because I am always here, so I was kinda nervous that they would all drive each other crazy and I’d come home and the kids would have him tied up in the closet or something, hehe. But when I walked through the door they were all hanging out on the couch watching movies. The kids were so excited because he had taken them to find petrified wood and then (and I think this was the kicker) he took them to McDonalds and even let them go inside and play at the Playplace. Which their mean old mom never does.

It was great to see them all getting along so well. Makes it all feel like it’s going to be okay for a second.

and I’m not saying that there is a “bad guy” per say. But if there was one (for the sake of this rant) it wouldn’t be me. Or it shouldn’t be anyway.

I have really been struggling with my kids. When I went to pick them up from their dad’s house last night they were all moppy and depressed to have to be going home with lame old mom. I can’t even begin to describe how that makes you feel. Honestly unless you’ve been in this situation it is just not a feeling you can imagine. You might think you can sympathize but you just can’t.

So I got the whole speech about how it is much more fun and exciting at his house. And hello, I’m sure it is. He has pretty much no discipline. He buys them whatever they want (this weekend it was two new video games). He takes them fun places and they do fun things. He lets them break the rules that I have in place because he doesn’t have to follow what I say, yada yada yada.

I don’t get to be fun. I have to wake them up in the mornings and nag them to get ready. I have to go to work and come home and clean and cook and help with homework. Get them to all shower and clean their room and do their few little chores. I have to nag them to stop fighting. Remind them that there actually ARE rules at this house. I have to send them to their rooms when they misbehave and to bed early when it is all just too much.

I am tired of feeling like the bad guy in this situation. I’m the one doing the work of raising these kids and I’m glad I am, but give a girl a little credit every once in a while. An ‘I love you’ or something.

I just want to scream.

and I’m pretty sure that today I am just about ready to sink. I don’t know what is going on with me lately. I’m sure a lot of it has to do with stress, but I am absolutely frustrated with everything and everyone.

The issue at hand today is my five year old. I went to his parent teacher conference at school where his teacher informed me that he throws fits, whines, and cries in class. He whines at home too and I don’t know what to do about it. Believe me I feel like I’ve tried just about everything to get him to stop doing it. He is five for heaven’s sake. He shouldn’t be doing that sort of thing.

I didn’t know what to say to his teacher. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for her. Any thoughts?

My husband and I are going out tonight. You would think it would be common for us to go out since we are childless every other weekend, but we really don’t go out as often as we should. Life always seems to interrupt and to be honest on the weekends we are both exhausted! I’m exhausted today too, but I’m trying to ignore it because we are most definitely going out.

We’ve been planning this for over a month. We are going to see the Bar J Wranglers and we are really excited!

I’ve always been really lucky when it comes to babysitters because I have a ton of family close by. My boys have never been tended by anyone that is not a family member. Tonight my mom is on babysitting duty and they are all so thrilled to be going to her house instead of spending another boring night with me and hubby.

Here is a checklist I found for those of you hiring out for babysitting.

I’ve been invited by Karon Goodman, author of Stepping Stones for Stepmoms: Everyday Strength for a Blended Family Mom, to take part in the blog tour she is putting together to promote the release of the new book. Karon is a longtime author having written a number of books, including three on the topic of step-parenting.

The blog tour schedule is below so be sure to visit Karon at each of her stops through Blogland.

Have a wonderful Tuesday!

• Step by Step — Tuesday, November 13
• Stepmom Land — Thursday, November 15
• Step-family Talk –Tuesday, November 27

• Stepmother’s Milk — Thursday, November 29
• Smart Stepfamilies — Tuesday, December 4
• Simplicity in the Suburbs –Thursday, December 6
• The Stepfamily Life — Tuesday, December 11

Let me tell you. It is definitely a Monday. I’m exhausted, I’m irritable, I’m kinda wishing I could suddenly become deaf just for like an hour or so. The noise level in this house has been at all time highs today. I don’t know if my kids forgot that my hearing is fine and there really is no reason to yell or if they are used to talking more loudly at their dad’s house or what the deal is but I’m telling you right now it is making me a crazy woman.

It is five o’clock and I’m wishing it was eight so I could send everyone to bed, put on my jammies, curl up in a ball and beg my husband to rub my back, neck, and feet.

I am tense because of a number of things but among the tops on the list of distractions is that we are going to find out this week how big of a pain my husband’s ex wife is going to be. I really don’t want to dish on the details but keep your fingers crossed for us. Praying wouldn’t hurt either if you are the praying kind.

So, hoping tomorrow will get me out of my funk I am leaving you with nothing more than some random mumbling and a fun Thanksgiving craft (pictured above) to make with the kids. My kids have been saving pinecones for months so this one should be pretty easy for us.

No literally, it is like pulling teeth…

Last night the Tallest came into my bedroom and showed my husband and me his loose tooth. He’d been ‘working’ on it and so it was wiggling and kinda bleeding a little which is so beyond me. I hate the sight of blood. Any blood at all and I’m like hello could you please hold while I pass out.

Anyway I told him to leave it alone and he could mess about with it in the morning. So first thing this morning he comes in.

Tallest: Look Mom. It is so loose. It’s probably going to come out today.
Me: That’s awesome, then you can put it under your pillow at your Dad’s tonight for the tooth fairy. (laughing inside)
Tallest: Yeah. That would be cool. If I pull it can I really take it to Dad’s.
Me: Absolutely (thinking abso-freaking-lutely)
Tallest: Okay.

At this point he yanks that puppy right out.

Tallest: Will you put this in an envelope of something for me to take it tonight.

Ahhhhhhhhh. sure.

It’s not that I’m intentionally taking out my grumpiness on my family but it seemed to happen that way last night. I got home from work. Training, by the by, so all I did for FIVE hours was sit in front of a computer and listen to a training program. Clicking when appropriate and taking online tests and such. Anyway, I got home from work, picked up the kids from school, cleaned up the house a bit and all that fun and exciting stuff. By the time my husband got home I had a decent headache coming on and I was grumpy.

Not just slightly irritated but mean and onery. The boys were being nosy and sassy. My oldest, URGH…sometimes I swear he lays awake nights trying to think of things to say to me that will really get me pissy. Such as this…

Tallest: I want to stay and play at T’s
Me: Not today. I don’t want to have to come back to pick you up. Do you maybe want to stay tomorrow?
Tallest: Well, I wanted to stay today (You should have heard the tone and seen the snotty I’m-so-much-smarter-than-you look on his face)
Me: (cause I hate being pushed) Well, I guess if you want to talk to me that way you won’t stay today or tomorrow.

Imagine the whining that ensued. By seven-thirty I was so fed up I put the kids to bed early. It was either that or scream and yell and curl up in a little ball and sob.

Praying today is calmer and better all around.

I am naturally maternal. I nuture and boss everyone’s children. I cannot help myself. So, of course, I bonded very quickly with my husband’s kids. I treat them just like I treat my own children, except that I let my husband take care of disciplining them. I’m not quite comfortable with that yet.

However, even though my kids and my husband get along really well, there hasn’t been much in the way of bonding. The kids aren’t making the first move and neither is he. Now don’t get me wrong, he really likes my kids, it’s just he is a guy and he’s spent years building up all these barriers that he needed to be alone and we are tearing those puppies down, hehe.

Last night I saw a real glimmer of what is to come and it was awesome! We rented Ratatouille . We had popped popcorn and drinks and junior mints and we all sat down to watch the movie. My husband and my kids were joking around with each other. Teasing and smiling. It was really fantastic. I know it might not sound like a major moment but it really was for me.

I’m a horrible planner. I don’t like thinking about the future because frankly I’ve got enough stuff to worry about in the here and now. The future is just a whole ball of issues I’m not yet ready to deal with. Unfortunately sometimes I have to do just that.

Like now for instance with the holidays steadily approaching.

We have to sit down and figure out our whole holiday calendar. For who gets the kids when. And for when we will have my husband’s kids. Plus scheduling in the extra stuff like company parties and work schedules and ahhhhh. So much to figure out, plus the added fun of trying to make it work for everyone.

Pray for me, hehe

So remember how I promised you I’d update you all on our weekend. Remember how I said it would be far less ranty than my previous post about the ex husband… well, this weekend we dealt with the ex wife. And she is a whole different species of cruel. So… a promise is a promise and I’m not going to talk about her because that would be a zillion times more ranty and complainy than my other post… instead just the good stuff from the weekend.

My boys went to the ex’s a day early because their uncle was coming home after being gone two years and they were all going to go meet him at the airport. So hubby and I had a night without any kids, which is kinda really nice every once in a while. So Friday I started my new job and fingers crossed I think it will be an okay one. It was really weird going to work after being an at home mom for the past nine years. Really really weird.

My husband went to pick up his kids Friday afternoon and again only two out of the four came, but we wanted to make the best of it so we rented a movie, Outlaw Trail, and ordered pizza. Saturday we took the kids to town because my oldest stepson needed new pants for church. So we shopped around a bit and then we took them to a matinee showing of Bee Movie. After the movie we took them to visit my in-laws.

Sunday we went to church, came home and got lunch and then we had to drive them back to their mother’s house, which is when all the irritating shit hit the fan. I swear that woman!!!!

Anyway…. I love spending time with my stepkids because they are so sweet and it is so great to see how my husband is with them.

*Warning Warning Warning*
Unless you are prepared to hear some ex-wife ranting turn back now. Grab the children and run. Save yourselves, people…

I sometimes think my ex sits up night thinking of ways to irritate and generally piss me off. There is the being late…and the little issue of his parents just popping in at MY house…and him mother calling my cell phone (I cannot even begin to tell you how much this little bit bothers me). But my favorite is his refusal to pay his portion of child care (which is, by the by, so very very clearly stated in our divorce papers).
He likes to claim he is broke. “I’ll pay you when I get some spare money.” This would be fine, if it were true. But he is as broke as I am blonde. The kids come home every weekend talking about the new four wheeler their dad bought. The new big screen he has. The surround sound. The new (bright yellow, oh-please-please-look-at-me-yellow) mustang.
Aside from this he allows the kids to do whatever they want whenever they want to do it. Well around this house we have rules, and bedtimes, and chores and so mom is a big pain in the ass. Nowhere near as fun as Dad. Who is clearly the coolest damn person who ever walked the face of the earth.
*Taking deep deep deep cleansing breath*

Next post I promise will be nicer and much much less ranty. We get my stepkids today after my husband gets off work so I’ll update you on our weekend.

We had a wonderful Halloween and managed to please (or sort of please) everyone. Except for me of course, because I’m the nice person in the equation and the nice person always seems to get screwed.

So the ex called me back with his angry voice and basically demanded that he see the kids on Halloween (even though he is picking them up for the weekend today, urgh). Then his father called wanting pretty much the same thing.

I figured I’d try to be nice so I told him he could pick the kids up at 7:30 and keep them until 8:30. Maybe take them for ice cream or something and his dad could go along with them. Nice of me since I technically didn’t have to let him take them at all. So we are leaving the house last night and who is at our doorstep…his father.

I tried to be pleasant but I was sort of pissed off. With him coming at seven I only had an hour or so to take the boys out and here was his dad encrouching on my time. So I was nice, but I hurried them along.

Then and I think this is what really ticked me off. We were at my in-laws house and I left to meet the ex at Chevron for the exchange. And I waited and waited and waited. FIFTEEN minutes late! By this time I was furious. He does anything he can to regain some sort of power over me and it really ticks me off.

Advice anyone???

*Above picture is my husband and I and my three boys.